So, Saturday we tried VoN5... a complete catastrophe. Yes, ok, sure, shortmaning a raid is not easy blah blah, but this was really a complete desaster. I had told everybody what pots to get, what spells to learn, I fetched some greater heroism scrolls for my retarded brotherīs Wizzard (He never thought of that by himself...+4 to attack, to saves and skills? Not really worth the hassle .). We had two problems:
First, the spirit of Axer had taken posession of the Dwarf Barbarian.
Suddenly he had grown a small rectangular mustache under his nose and had a worrying tendency to salute stretching his right hand with the palm down. And he was clearly menstruating. He invited us with his 20th level toon (also a dwarf barbarian) to his guild ship to buff and he started micromanaging how people had to take the buffs: "First you take this here and... where are you going?? THIS HERE FIRST!!!..."
Well, you know, if you take the buffs in the correct order it only takes 1 minute 38 seconds instead of 2 minutes 12 seconds.
The second problem was the artificer. He was in some Spanish mountains, as we say in Spain "where Jesus lost his lighter" (in the fucking middle of nowhere). He was connecting with 3G...badly. He could not hear us well. We could not really hear him. He did not get all the party chat messages, apparently. The "tells" worked...maybe.
So we tell him to take "The Voice". He goes to Haywire, and seems to speak with him. We assumed he took the voice. The alert reader may already suspect that he didnīt. We have then the first trap. The arti is writing in Guildchat, so I answer him in Guildchat "The trapbox is on the right side, at the end". He starts searching at the beginning of the left side. "Noooo. Right side, END". He runs through the trap on the left side and get almost killed. "RIGHT SIDE". He checks the left side. Eventually, he checks right and finds the box. It seems he had changed to party chat. Ok, fucking party chat then.
There we go the ramp down, to kill necrotic bankers that ruined the economy, and ask the arti to speak with the stone. "The stone gives no answer". Hmmm....maybe we have to somehow turn some power on, first. So, we go the ramp up again. The arty is still in front of the stone "where did you all go?".
The menstruating spirit of Axer rises with might inside the dwarf barbarian and starts to insult the arti, the artiīs computer, the artiīs internet company, the artiīs dog... The Arti seems to hear voice chat only when he is being insulted, so he starts getting extremely pissed off. He seems also to be missing a lot of messages from party chat. After a "few hours", we regroup a the shrines.
I start asking the arti in a tell "Do you have the voice?". He answers in guild: "I turned the microphone off".
Azog:"I mean THE VOICE* (in english)" (waiting for answer... he seems to be reading the missed guild messages from the beginning)
Spirit of Axer, voice chat: "Buff the people before shrining. I need heal, also" Azog:"I have the aura turned on. Come here. And donīt bother me, I am chatting to the arti"
Arti: (after reading guild messages) "What trap do you want me to dissable?"
Azog (affected by "crushing despair"): "Just let it be. Just follow us". I assume he has not the voice. I tell so in voice chat, somebody picks The Voice.
Arti: "It was me who dissabled that trap there" (what the fuck is he talking about???)
Azog: "Its fine, its fine, just follow"
(the arti seems to find the messages about the voice)
Arti: "to whom should I speak?"
All this, with a menstruating Spirit of Axer in voice chat calling the rest of us n00bs, running around killing stuff and asking for hjeals. In such situations I usually explode, but I am really improving in rage management, and I kept more or less calm.
We go to the puzzle. We get it done without to much screaming.
Then, the grand finale: The electric trap with the turning blades traps. The arti tries to dissable...and...yessss!!! he gets killed. Of course. He stays there, waiting. The shrine is kind of 10 meters away. We wait. He doesnīt move.
Azog (*sigh*): Ok, go out from there and I ress you.
Arti: Canīt you ress me here? (*He thought the electric trap was the only one, I guess)
Azog: Yes, but you will be get killed again.
No answer.
No answer.
No answer.
Azog: Ok, I ress you. ....woosshh....*DING*
Arti: Ok, I see. *rage quit*
So we try to get the traps the hard way. I get killed. We recall. I call it a night and dc.
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