Illustrative story: My parents divorced and kicked off a decades-long feud between each other, full of police and court battles over the most childish things. One time, my stepbrother and I decided to be silly and run around naked. I have no idea how old we were, maybe somewhere between 6 and 10. My stepmother saw us running around naked and said something to the effect of "I like your father's better." I replied, "why, BECAUSE YOU SUCK ON IT?"
I think I remember my grandfather chortling in his chair in the corner.
Reasonably harmless thing, right? Sure... or ammunition for the feud. A few days later, my dad and stepmom are taking me - and only me, none of my brothers - out to McDonalds... "and stopping somewhere in the city too." "Somewhere in the city" turned out to be a police detective! He starts asking about what I said where I'd heard that from. Then he breaks out the dolls, strips 'em down, and starts asking me if I'd seen my parents do 'this' or 'that' (switching the dolls from missionary to 69 and back).
Think about where you first learned about blowjobs. No fucking clue how you learned about them, right? So I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the hell I can say to get out of this very uncomfortable situation with some strange guy I don't know showing me weird dolls and forcing me to come up with some story about how I learned about blowjobs.
Story 1: my friend Brian on the bus told me. Cop didn't believe it.
Story 2: I made up some contorted story about going to the bathroom at night, seeing my parent's door opened a crack, and seeing my parents doing the deed. I hadn't, but it was pretty clear to me by then that that was what the cop wanted to hear. So I told him what he wanted to hear. Fuck, man, I just wanted to go to fucking McDonalds! Cop believed this and finally left me alone.
Then, at the end of the summer, I had to recount this whole story to my mother (think about that: a 6-8 year old explaining sexual discussions where he was coerced into lying about his mother) so that she knew what the latest custody lawsuit was about. And just think, my mother was the crazy side in that war.
That story is horrifying on so many levels... the dolls are just the tip of the iceberg. The fact that it was so easy for the detective/whatever to coerce me into saying exactly what he wanted to hear... scary shit. And my wife wonders why I'm adamant that no social or state worker speak with my daughter without my prior consent...
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Less ugly story that somewhat relates: I often asked about my mother smoking cigarettes. She explained that they contained nicotene and she was addicted to it. Fast-forward some number of months or years, and my class is attending a DARE assembly. Apparently they were talking about drugs and naming a few, and letting kids talk about their experiences (seriously, who the fuck came up with their topics for discussion with children in the 80s???). I don't remember this, but I've been told that I got up in front of the entire school and announced "my mother is addicted to COCAINE!"
I meant nicotene, but they'd been saying cocaine, so that was stuck in my head.
It probably didn't help that my mother was rather skinny...
I waded through the feces of Nignog to find a little turd-gem. Was hoping for a shroudthingy per Galad's remarks but I will settle for this.
+1 for Strake's story: the kind of real shit that makes us human. Reminds me of when my mother dropped the bomb that my father would be in jail for a year. He was pulling in about 1mil a year from his conveyor company. After he got out the cocaine changed to meth and he went coocooforcocopuffs. Couple years later stabbed to death in his home while he was sleeping.
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